A divorce can be handled one of two ways. Either you go at each other hammer and tongs, in an attempt to extract the last drop of blood, leaving scorched earth behind. Or you and your attorney can treat the other spouse/attorney with respect, decline to fan the flames, and focus on the issues which need to be resolved: openly disclosing finances, submitting reasonable positions, and considering necessary changes if supported by a rational basis. Then if one side persists in unreasonable demands, your attorney can show the court why only your proposal is reasonable.
Though playing hard ball may seem to garner a few dollars more in the short term, in the long run the second approach is almost always better. How you deal with each other during the divorce will affect how you interact afterwards. When you have children, you have to deal with each other while they grow up. You won’t always agree, so pick your battles. Conflict between households hurts your children. Having a working, civil relationship with the other parent helps the children, so long as health and safety are protected.
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Friday, December 7, 2007
Greatest Cause of Divorce Conflict
In many divorces, the greatest cause of conflict is anxiety over:
-What mudslinging is the other side going to say about me?
-Are they going to try to extract the last ounce of blood?
-What is my future budget going to be?
-When will I be spending time with the children?
In those cases, negotiating with proposed final orders at the outset (Findings, Decree of Dissolution, Parenting Plan, Order of Child Support & Worksheets) can resolve those uncertainties, by showing exactly what you want the judge to order.
-Agreed orders usually don’t need to say much about why the parties want the agreed relief, so criticism is unnecessary. Courts favor agreements in divorce cases, so a judge will likely sign agreed orders, even if one party later changes their mind.
-The financial proposal is there in black and white, addressing all issues. You may indicate that you’re also open to further negotiation, so long as a reasonable basis is provided for requested changes.
-The schedule with the children should be specific, so anyone looking at the parenting plan could say which parent the children should be with on any given day.
Putting “settlement negotiations: not admissible” on proposals prevents the other side from using a generous offer in evidence if negotiations fall apart. Finally, given the stress and emotional turmoil in divorces, it’s a powerful negotiating tool to present the other side with papers which will effectively resolve all uncertainty with a stroke of their pen.
-What mudslinging is the other side going to say about me?
-Are they going to try to extract the last ounce of blood?
-What is my future budget going to be?
-When will I be spending time with the children?
In those cases, negotiating with proposed final orders at the outset (Findings, Decree of Dissolution, Parenting Plan, Order of Child Support & Worksheets) can resolve those uncertainties, by showing exactly what you want the judge to order.
-Agreed orders usually don’t need to say much about why the parties want the agreed relief, so criticism is unnecessary. Courts favor agreements in divorce cases, so a judge will likely sign agreed orders, even if one party later changes their mind.
-The financial proposal is there in black and white, addressing all issues. You may indicate that you’re also open to further negotiation, so long as a reasonable basis is provided for requested changes.
-The schedule with the children should be specific, so anyone looking at the parenting plan could say which parent the children should be with on any given day.
Putting “settlement negotiations: not admissible” on proposals prevents the other side from using a generous offer in evidence if negotiations fall apart. Finally, given the stress and emotional turmoil in divorces, it’s a powerful negotiating tool to present the other side with papers which will effectively resolve all uncertainty with a stroke of their pen.
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